How My Mom's Temporal Death Became My Eternal Gain: A Different Outlook on Life and Loss

"Death can still bring about life if you have a different outlook."

"Death.

Death is never easy, whether it is traumatic, sudden, because of natural causes, or health challenges. Everyone deals with death and the aftermath differently. You remember their impact on your life and how they died. You feel scared about your new reality without your loved one and wonder how you could ever move on. Regardless of your experience after those deaths, our perspectives and feelings can reflect our choices, how we continue living, and how we interact with people. Whether positive or negative, death can alter our point of view and our philosophy of life.

Have you ever seen or heard how the impact of one's death becomes someone's gain? Now, I'm not referencing those who can physically benefit from one's death, such as donated organs to save a life, financial or real estate gain, or any other temporary physical/material increase. I'm referring to character development and growth. I experienced a traumatic and sudden loss that took a different turn for me than it would for most, or at least I think so. My mom's death changed my perspective on life and death, and I worked on the development of my character. Regardless of my highs and lows, my understanding and perspective changed, and I've learned how to draw positive insight from them. I had hope, faith, and peace and that my mom's death wasn't in vain. Because of my faith in God, I knew I would see her again if my life were acceptable according to God's standards. I had faith and knew that God wouldn't let me go through these trials alone, and He had a better plan for my life. This temporary death became my eternal gain." ~ Preface_ The Outsider Inside - Draft 1

In late 2022, I wrote this section as the Preface to my memoir in my first draft. It captures the essence of how I dealt with my mom's death. I was 10 years old when she died almost 17 years ago. While I grieved and mourned her death, I knew God laid her to rest for a reason from day one. Therefore, I grieved differently than my family and friends did. I mourned the aftermath of what her death did to our families and how it unconsciously affected me. This outlook has made me change how I grieve and mourn deaths.

Here are the ways I've dealt with my mom's death and how my perspective has changed:

• Knowing and believing my mom's death wasn't in vain limited the amount of tears I shed at the funeral. This was my way of saying goodbye.

• I cried when I heard certain funeral songs for 5-6 years. I didn't like being reminded of attending a funeral for my mom.

• I didn't miss my mom the same as others. I only knew my mom for who she was to me: a loving mother and person, not as profound as her relationships were with others who knew her longer. This changed over the years.

• As I got to know more about my mom and what life was like for her, I was happy God laid her to rest so she didn't have to suffer anymore psychologically.

• I started developing skills months after the accident. I used to tell others I wouldn't think I would have the skills or insight I do today if she was still alive. I felt like mommy was holding me back, or what I knew today would have taken longer to develop.

Reading this list might make you wonder why I could feel a sense of peace about my mother's passing. On the surface, it seems surprising, but spiritually, I viewed her death differently. I moved beyond my earthly understanding of death to see it as God did. Some might say I didn't grieve properly, but I believed in a higher wisdom given by God. It wasn't just a coping mechanism; I indeed saw her death this way. I wondered about my missing memories and my time in the hospital and why God spared my life. Instead of dwelling on my mom's death, I saw it as a second chance at life, believing God had a special purpose for me. I didn't think I was more important than my dad or sister, but my circumstances were unique. I committed to understanding God's plans for me through reading, praying, and self-reflection. God reveals more puzzle pieces daily, slowly showing me the bigger picture. I will reveal more in my forthcoming memoir.

"This temporary death became my eternal gain."

I'm sure you can agree that this is a heavy statement that others may not easily digest. However, what do I mean by this quote? What does temporary death' mean? According to my understanding of God's Holy Bible, death is a deep sleep. Those who are dead are sleeping until Jesus' second coming. However, there is a difference between the first death, a.k.a a physical death, and the second death, a.k.a an eternal death. This is a topic for another time, but I am referencing the physical death. Besides death as a deep sleep, those whom God considers righteous and who have already died are temporarily dead. This is what I am referencing. Given the life that my mom lived, I firmly believe and know that my mom is temporarily sleeping until Jesus' second coming, when he calls the righteous. I believe God put my mom to rest because her job on this earth was complete and potentially prevented her from whatever the future would have in store for her if she lived.

God looked into my dad, sister, and my future and said I'm not done with them yet. We had just begun. I can't speak for my dad and my sister, but I was temporarily psychologically dead for 4 days when I was in my coma. Some realities of the accident or other reasons God foresaw, there was something God was protecting me from, or maybe it was from myself. I can't imagine what my sister and dad are reliving in their head from recalling the events of the accident, but only God knows why He prevented me from seeing these events play out. I will explain this more fully at another time. Regardless of the reasons, God bringing me out of my coma was His way of saying, "My daughter, I'm not done with you yet. You have barely touched the surface of where I want to take you and have planned for you. You won't understand it yet, but I will reveal my plans for your life." And God did exactly that. While writing my memoir and working on the creation of this blog in the last couple of years, God revealed this to me. "Your temporary psychological death in a coma and the temporary death of your mother will be your testimony. The tears, the pain, the joy, and the lessons you have learned will bring me glory, touch, and inspire others." This revelation helped me understand I needed to draw closer and rely on God. Even though I was only 10 and life was starting, I started developing bad habits, and it was time to look within. "My eternal gain" results from developing my character and strengthening my spiritual walk with God. My life is only temporary. If I stay on the straight, narrow road that leads to God by continuing to build my relationship with him and developing my character, this only leads to eternal life.

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Death has entered this world from the beginning of humankind and has only spread like wildfire. Today, as we know it, every single minute you hear about someone's death. Lately, you have people mysteriously dying without cause, and it is only getting worse. Whether or not you are a Christian, time on earth is slowly ending, and it all comes down to whom you serve, God or man.

I don't have it all figured out, nor am I fully prepared, but God has given me the tools I need to stay on course. Your journey of grieving and coping with death will not be the same as mine because different deaths affect us differently but don't allow it to stop you from living your best life. That doesn't mean to live carelessly but to live life with purpose. Regardless of the outcome of one's death, whether it was natural causes or by the hands of another, don't let the loss of a loved one consume you. Don't use death as an excuse for your negative behavior; you're only hurting yourself and those around you. This also doesn't mean that you shouldn't grieve your loved one, but try to deal with it healthily by seeking help, talking to someone, and pouring into others. I know this is easier said than done, but try to look at the bigger picture. Death only reveals that life is too short. It's time to look within and work on the parts of us that live on even after death.

"Death can still bring about life if you have a different outlook."

~Nathifa Debellotte | DeNight Owl 🦉